This is it.

So I’m currently at the airport, checked in, bag dropped and ready to embark on my first (hopefully of many) solo trip. In complete honesty, I’m freaking out a little. I feel so ready to cry but I don’t think it’s with sadness or being scared, I think it’s the excitement just not sure how to get out. 

I’ve sat myself in a corner, wiped down all the surfaces around me (no corona virus here thanks) and the following is an insight into the whole mix of emotions that are currently running through my head:

  • I need to stop the tears, I’m not sad, I’m excited!
  • That bacon sandwich was rubbish;
  • Why doesn’t this airport have a Spoons!? 
  • I can’t believe I’m actually doing this, I’m so proud of myself.
  • I really hope that baby I can hear screaming isn’t on my flight.
  • This is going to be an adventure of a lifetime, what the hell, I’m so excited.
  • Oop gate information is up! 
  • Is it too soon to start eating the sweets I have for the plane ( I’m going with no).
  • How much is too much hand sanitiser??
  • Oh God, more crying babies.
  • I hope I’m sat next to someone nice on the plane, actually who am I kidding, I’ll be asleep before we take off, it doesn’t matter! 

Ahh, that’s it, I’m boarding… Wish me luck!! 

‘You’re So Brave Travelling Alone’

So 7 times out of 10 (i’d say 9 is a little too high and even more cliché) i’ve told someone i’m going travelling it’s gone a little something like this:

(Them): Aw wow you’re going travelling, that’s so exciting! Are you going with your boyfriend?

(Me): Nope.

(Them): Friends??

(Me): Nope, I’m going on my own.

(Them): Oh wow you’re so brave, I could never do that!

And, every. Single. Time. It feels like someones let a wild pack of dogs loose in my head. The thoughts start to bounce around, the doubt, the worry and everything else. Why are they concerned, should I be concerned? Am I really doing the right thing? Am I brave enough to do this?

To be honest with you, I’m not the bravest person and honestly, never in my 22 years of living would I have thought i’d be doing this, going travelling on my own. But I think the main thing that is keeping me going is the benefits i’ll get from doing this on my own.

I could go travelling with a friend and that would be great, but I feel like I need a push in my life – the push to experience the unknown, stepping outside of my comfort zone, forcing myself into situations i’ve never had to be in before.

I’d say my life has been pretty comfortable, i’ve never put myself out there and done something on my own. I mean even going to University I went with people I knew and had two friends from college living in the block next door. I didn’t go there just because they were but, that’s the way it happened.

Obviously i’m SO excited for the experiences, seeing the sights, meeting new people, trying new foods. Yet I think i’m most excited about how this is going to change me – change the way I handle situations when I get back to my ‘normal’ life at the end of the year. I’m excited to make mistakes and learn from them, learn how to be myself, by myself, take every little thing that I do in my stride and just learn how to live in the moment.

So no, I wouldn’t say i’m being brave, brave insinuates that i’m scared to start off with. I’m not scared or worried. I’m positive. I’m excited. I’m AMBITIOUS. It’s not bravery, it’s ambition.